only habit so thoroughly destroys a secret love

Falling in love in secret is wonderful, but staying together in public, growing ever more closely together while friends and family only watch and rarely comment… that can be as trying as the rapidly approaching deadline for a doctoral dissertation, or surgery this evening, or raising children; it takes daily care and self-discipline, as well as clearly defined shared goals. Most importantly it needs fearlessness.

Thus, before announcing your secret darling to anyone, and after you truly know the full history of your beloved–when you each know every happy event and hurtful occasion, when you both know what the other feels about the parents and all the friends and places and stories and goals–do take a closer look at that history before you come out. Try to consider your histories at length with disinterest, with a meditative non-attachment, as if reading an old book describing the obvious truth of what is now a disproven theory, or a dry chapter from a spiritual text distinct from your own beliefs.

In that study, should you find unique threads among the history of your beloved, pay especial attention. Is there a thread of great skill in building relationships, or perhaps a thread of disruption in transition?

Well…. there is no need to dwell on it, nor to discuss it. Time together is short enough, so simply enjoy more than ever this moment, this hour, this day with your beloved, and do keep the matter quite secret, as you would the most precious intimate gift, shared only in utter privacy.

After all, as if a sage or seer you may have glimpsed the future, for just as the flower blooms from the seed we nurture, so too habit destroys a lover.



By our nature, we are afire. We burn with anxiety, the angst of survival in a hostile world.

For this fire, we have meditation and prayer. We fan a fire of love for that which transcends this world. One fire swallows another and we are set free.

Liberated from fear, we face the world no longer as slaves, but as masters.


Purandara-dasa had been a miserly mean-hearted husband, yet became a God-intoxicated singer/poet due his wife’s generosity and good-heartedness.

“The earlier name of Purandara Dasa was Srinivasa Nayaka. In his earlier days he was miserly and cruel. His wife Sri Lakshmi Saraswati Bai was pious and kind to fellow human beings. The turning point in the life of Srinivasa Nayaka occurred at the instance of the Lord who in the guise of a poor brahmin begged for alms for conducting the sacred thread ceremony of his son. Srinivasa Nayaka in his customary style drove away the disguised brahmin who straight away went to his wife and repeated the drama. His wife being a very kind hearted one, gave away her diamond studded nose ring and the Brahmin went to Srinivasa Nayaka again and asked him to give some money in return for the diamond-studded ornament. Srinivas Nayaka identifying it as his wife’s ornament [which he had] kept it in his iron safe and went to his wife to enquire about the nasal ring. Bewildered at the turn of events Sri Saraswathi Bai decided to end her life and was about to take poison.  But in that container Lord put a similar ornament to the utter surprise of Saraswathi Bai, who went ahead and showed the same to Srinivasa Nayaka as if nothing has happened. Surprised at this Srinivasa checked his iron safe and found the ornament kept by him intact. This made him realise that the Brahmin in disguise was none else than Lord Vithala. He repented for his misdeeds, begged pardon of the Lord, and renounced all his wealth to become a saint and was called "Purandar Dasa”. This inspired him to sing innumerable songs in praise of the Lord, which numbered about 4,75,000 of which about 800 survive.“

Dhamma, vinaya: good manners, and rules of engagement.

“While lying on his deathbed, addressing the disciples the Buddha said: “The Doctrine and the Discipline (dhamma-vinaya) which I have set forth and laid down for you, let them, after I am gone, be your teacher.” see “The Threefold Division of the Noble Eightfold Path” at

“According to the scriptures, in the first years of the Buddha’s teaching the sangha lived together in harmony with no vinaya, as there was no need, because all of the Buddha’s early disciples were highly realized if not fully enlightened. As the sangha expanded situations arose which the Buddha and the lay community felt were inappropriate for samanas. According to tradition, the first rule to be established was the prohibition against sexual acts. The origin story tells of an earnest monk whose family was distraught that there was no male heir and so persuaded the monk to impregnate his wife. All three, the monk, his wife and son who both later ordained, eventually became fully enlightened arahants.”
~ source

Buddha: “`Whatever Dhamma and Vinaya I have pointed out and formulated for you, that will be your Teacher when I am gone.’ (Mahaaparinibbaana Sutta, [D.16])'”.

So today there are baskets of sutras, tablets, regulations, interpretations, guidelines: rules.

Other worldviews may share similar transformations of exampled manner into rule due textual guidelines. For example, one may note Christians quoting New Testament sayings as if they are the primary touchstone of Truth, as for example, Paul’s comment that all scripture is God-breathed… even though when Paul said that, there was no compilation known now as The New Testament.

Like this, one finds that after the death of the founder, regulations aplenty may arise, many well beyond what righteousness and disciplines the founder him-her-non-self had pointed out and formulated.


Why because where there is little sense of humour, good manners, or Self-discipline, rules rule.

“Even a person free of passion

         would understand

         this sadness:

         autumn evening

          in a marsh where snipes fly up.”


{“From The Country of Eight Islands: An Anthology of Japanese Poetry”, page 172}